Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Nervous Noshing

For someone who thinks about food as often as I do, it’s odd how infrequently I write about it. Big events – whether stressful or celebratory, spent with friends and family or on one’s own – involve planning the menu. While following the progress of Tropical Storm Ernesto, my mind has also been sorting out what to nibble on. Hurricanes call for deli food. The power may go out and it’ll be too hot for cooking anyway. Two decades of living in Panama City and dealing with storms taught me what to stock in my cooler:

Blueberry muffins with crumbles of sugar on top
Tuna salad sandwiches
Hard boiled eggs
Grapes, apples, carrots*
Celery sticks with scoops of peanut butter
Chips and salsa
Chocolate chip cookies
Cheese straws
Beer

*the stress snacking triumvirate

Sunday, August 27, 2006

She's a Very Freaky Girl

Friday night, Owen and I were faced with that age-old dilemma of deciding where to eat. Being the little list-maker that I am, the solution was obvious: write out the pros and cons so the decision can be verified as scientifically accurate. And it totally worked.

Owen: “Well, Thai food is always good”.
Ramona: “Yeah, but according to the list, that place has sucky beer and no cocktails. If we go to Red Lobster, they have cheese biscuits and a possible Ben Affleck sighting.”
Owen: “That should be on the cons list.”

And so on. We decided on Italian, because carbs are delicious and this frisky biscuit needed a drink.

After acing the decision making portion of the evening, the movie theater tested our negotiation skills. In the lobby was an 8 foot tall cutout of Borat, deemed essential for a full and satisfying life. We managed to barter with the movie theater manager for Borat in exchange for a case of beer – after the movie comes out. Actually, Owen did most of the work while I put my patented charming smile and robust head nodding move into action. We were the invincible.

Little Miss Sunshine was so good – unpredictable and different, with a kooky family along the lines of a Wes Anderson film. The little girl in the movie just makes my heart ache she is so adorable. Kids with glasses are especially cute. The whole film was moving and funny, and there was a fabulous surprising scene that was almost hard to watch. I’ll say no more about that, but you’ll see. It couldn’t have been more perfectly delightful. I loved this movie; it may be my favorite movie of the summer.

Saturday brought a phone call where all of a sudden I found myself riding around in a convertible with some hippies. That would be my aunt and uncle, who are very sweet but their bohemian ways mystify me. I don’t know them well and hadn’t seen them in 3 years, so that can be awkward. When I answered the phone at 9 that morning (NINE A.M.!), my aunt says, “We’re in Savannah until tomorrow. Pause. My mother-in-law is sick, and we’re trying to figure out what to do with ourselves today. PAUSE.

So, a few hours later I’ve taken them down to River Street and I’m watching my aunt figure out which belly dancing outfit to buy. She offered to buy me one too, saying “I bet your boyfriend would like it”. Sorry, Owen but I declined due to my chronic case of teenaged-fashioned embarrassment. I also found out how my aunt and uncle met, while they were students at Auburn. They were each out for a walk, and my uncle’s FERRET attacked my aunt’s dog. Well then.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

My Boyfriend Bob

The first time I missed a Bob Dylan concert was in 1997. I was a D.J. at WEGL in Auburn, AL while they were hosting a Dylan concert ticket give-away. While I was studying and listening to the radio, WEGL announced that the next caller would receive Dylan tickets. Since I was an employee and disqualified, I immediately called Lord Haggis so he could win the tickets instead (and, of course invite me along). WEGL usually only had about two listeners at any give time, so Lord Haggis easily won. Like a fool, though, I decided to make some extra cash working my minimum wage job and skipped the concert. Since then, I’ve missed at least a half a dozen opportunities to see my one true love perform live. Most recently, Ramona invited me to see him perform in Savannah. Neither of us attended, and we were horrified to find out that we’d also missed out on seeing Luke Wilson who had been at the concert. Luke Wilson! This is truly sad, because, even though I’ve seen many mediocre artists in concert including Billy Joel and George Michael, I’ve consistently missed seeing a true music legend. This weekend, I’ll finally see Bob Dylan perform live. Let’s hope I don’t come up with any lame excuses to miss the concert, like having to shelve books at the library.

Now Twice as Frisky!

Allow me to introduce Natasha Dylan. Natasha will be joining The Frisky Biscuit as our New England Adventure Correspondent. She is also my sister, so already you love her.

Natasha's beat covers Yankee mysticisms - canned bread! Redemption Centers! - embarassing stories about herself, and anecdotes about how cool her big sister is. She also has an unhealthy fascination with a certain folk singer, which she will be posting about soon.

Be sweet!

Monday, August 21, 2006

Sleuthing

Are there any amateur Nancy Drew types out there? Because I really want to find out what is going on in my apartment building.

As I was leaving for work this morning, there was an ambulance and police car parked outside. I saw four police officers, including one with "K-9 UNIT" on the back of his uniform. Oddly, neither me nor Lady Buttercup ever heard any sirens.

When I was back home for lunch the police car was still there, with the addition of a police SUV. Then I saw an officer leave from the other side of the building, carrying a file box. This was 5 hours later!

There has been nothing on the news, but Lady Buttercup is working the case. All very mysterious and nerve-rattling, indeed.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Eating Cupcakes, Frisky Biscuit Style




The technique guaranteed to maximize frosting-to-cake ratios.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Do this or else

Renting sometimes feels like living in a college dorm, complete with intrusions, inconveniences, and rules and the power trippers who enforce them. The complex where I rent is viciously uptight and growing increasingly fascist.

Take for example their favorite method of showing appreciation to their customers: leaving memos on everyone’s door. Here are some excerpts from the love letters sent out over the past few months:

“We have scheduled a pool party for this Saturday. You may stop by the office to register and receive your pool passes. The pool will be closed to those who have not registered. Pool passes will be mandatory for all residents after the pool party.” Fun! The warmest parties always make you wear arm bands…or else.

“…you can expect our staff to be diligent in reminding you where you can walk your pet.” What, so I’m supposed to make Lady Buttercup stop mid-squat if it’s on the unapproved grass? Way to unravel all those years of careful housebreaking, geniuses.

“Anyone found in the pool or on the sundeck after hours will be fined $250 for 1st offense and $500 for second. If you are leasing you will be subject to eviction for a violation in addition to the fine.” I haven’t had a curfew since I was 18 – I’d forgotten how it felt to be cowering in your room after 10 PM!

“SEASON of the FROGS: The season also means that our amphibious friends migrate around the property. Please drive carefully and do your best to avoid them on the roads.” Do they really think people try to run over frogs on purpose?

“VEHICLES: We have received a few challenges to the ticket process. One person wrote questioning the speed limits. Another wanted to confront the staff member who wrote the ticket.” I’m wondering how people who work at an apartment complex decided all of a sudden they can write out tickets and fines for driving over 14 mph. Seriously! Are you law enforcement officers too?

The bits I listed aren’t even the full extent of regulations and scolding that goes on in my homestead either. Unfortunately it has gotten worse and more bizarre since renewing my lease a few months back. Clearly I’m getting too old to do this whole renting thing much longer. We also have Lady Buttercup’s dignity and happiness to consider.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Premium

It’s likely I’m the last person under 40 to catch onto the awesomeness that is the iPod. Before my sister got one, I scoffed at the idea that there was any need for such a gadget in my life. I never had a Walkman, and thought all those people walking around wearing earphones seemed aloof and haughty. But oh, I fell in love – instantly.

Like any smitten kitten, I could gush endlessly. Which is more beautiful – the simplicity of having all your music so well contained and available, or the fact that it keeps the undesirables from talking to you? Plus, it helps me contain my rage. When people are watching that crummy Dr. Phil at the gym, I can now override my hateful scowls. At the airport, it makes me feel calm and comfortable in my private little bubble. Another sweet iPod move for my lazy ass is to listen to music in bed – without having to get up to turn it off.

The first little treat I downloaded was the brilliant Ricky Gervais podcast. Really, he is just fantastic. Now that I’m a greedy iPod fiend, my only disappointment is that not everything I imagine downloading is available. I’m pining for the new OK Go video “Here it goes again”. Which, if you haven’t seen, you must do so immediately. All the cool kids are doing it.

Monday, August 14, 2006

ATL Gate D21

Once again, The Frisky Biscuit presents that inappropriate topic – the public washroom. Specifically: the Atlanta airport, Gate D21, ladies room. It was while washing my hands there that I suddenly heard someone singing “Row Your Boat”. Like any sensible person, I looked around for the source of the disturbance so I could throw her a weird look. But everyone’s behavior seemed normal, and the song soon ended.

It didn’t take long, and another voice began singing “Row Your Boat”. How nutty! Who is that? I thought to myself. And then, in rounds, another voice piped in. A male voice. Now I was mildly outraged – who the hell let a man in here, and why is he singing?!

After a few more suspicious glances, confirming that no one was singing, or had a ventriloquist’s dummy, or was a man, I realized what was going on. It was actually an audio recording coming from overhead speakers. Mystery solved. I’m guessing it was a tool to promote thorough hand washing, but I’m not ruling out Candid Camera style prank.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Meeting the Family, Pemberley Style

The weekend after I returned from Maine, my parents and sister came to Savannah for a visit. This was it – my chance to introduce Owen to my family. These occasions can be nerve racking for everyone involved, but I knew that the Pemberleys would adore Owen as much as I do. After all, he is funny, kind, has lovely manners, and looks like a blue-eyed John Cusack.

As the link for this event, it was my job to keep the conversation going and make sure everyone was comfortable. It went quite well, but there were a few um….incidents. I don’t want to name names, but various members of the Pemberley family caused the following things to happen:

-A near tipping over of the table at lunch

-Unfolding the sun visor for the car so that it smacked Owen in the face

-A nosebleed

-Accepting a $1 dare to eat an entire forkful of raw onions

Actually, I don’t think Natasha will mind me saying that she is the onion eating hero. It ended up being the icebreaker that fed jokes for the rest of the afternoon. All in all, a fairly typical Pemberley outing. Well done!

Saturday, August 12, 2006

The Moose and the Whale



The two weeks I spent in Maine were busy – basically we covered the entire state of Maine and did every summer activity imaginable. As soon as I stepped off the plane, content and unsuspecting after a lunch of clam chowder and crab cakes, Natasha put me to work at her job. And for those of you who’ve never been to Maine, those of you from the south who understand how air conditioning is as basic a need as water – most businesses and homes up there don’t have AC. Or if they do, it’s a whiny little window unit that is about as effective as cooling your house by leaving the fridge door open. So we suffered, a little, but totally worth it since Natasha is endlessly fun and entertaining.

Aside from that little glitch of being unreasonably hot every day, Maine is gorgeous. There were hikes – the first one outside a cute little harbor town called Camden. That hike ended when we got drenched in a sudden downpour, sliding and scooting our soggy asses back downhill, all the while keeping an eye out for this group of little girls on a summer camp hike that were behind us. They got back down safely, making us determined not to complain.

Two days were spent in Bar Harbor and Acadia, simply the most gorgeous place in Maine. The coast has rocky cliffs and lush green trees, the air is fresh, and there are lobster boats and yachts nestled next to each other in the water. The hike Natasha took me on, called The Beehive, ended up giving me a bit of a fright. Naïve and trusting, once we got up there and I pulled myself up on the first set of iron rungs on the ledges of cliffs, I knew I needed to do more research next time. It was one of those hikes that once you get started, there is really no way back and you just have to keep moving forward. Glad I was to finish that one! But we made up for it with delicious meals at Café This Way and a posh hotel.

The second day in Bar Harbor was for whale watching, and we saw two humpback whales. You have to really bundle up for this trip, as it gets bitter cold and damp out at sea (plus don’t forget the Dramamine). But when those two humpback whales surfaced next to the boat, hearing their gentle breath and knowing that most people will never get this close to such an amazing creature – it was incredible. I love them. They come up several times, with 4 – 6 minutes between each breath, before finally diving deep, letting you watch their tail slide under. It was astonishing how gorgeous these creatures are.

We also made a stop at the Great Maine Lumberjack Show. It was cheezy but decent, watching log rolling and tree climbing. Plus, fans of Survivor would be interested to know it was hosted by Timber Tina. Word is she was the first person voted off in a recent season. I liked her; she was enthusiastic about Maine and about training women to compete in lumberjack sports. Plus, when Natasha and I walked in, she gave us an appraising look-over like she was thinking now those two I could make lumberjacks out of.

We spent one day in Freeport taking kayaking lessons. The kayaking is nice and all, but very gear intensive. After you put on the borrowed wet suit (still damp from the previous day’s wearer, and smelling of a stray animal), the wool socks, neoprene shoes, life vest, kayaking skirt, hat, sunscreen, sunglasses, and bug spray, then you have to haul the kayak and paddle and other necessities out to the water. There is a lot of preparation before you even get in the water, and even though I’m glad I tried it, it is not the sport for me. I’d rather just go for a swim or a walk, but I guess I’m a simpleton that way. Freeport has great shopping, though, so I’ll go back for that next time.

One other thing we were determined to accomplish was to see a moose. To do this, we had heard the one of the best places was Baxter State Park. This park is where the Appalachian Trail ends, at Mt. Katahdin (which Natasha intends to climb at some point in her residency there). So we did yet another day trip there, and took peanut butter sandwiches and clementines for a hike around a lake. As we sat there noshing and realizing that the beautiful location made it the finest lunch ever, a moose came out of the woods on the opposite side. We watched her quietly for about half an hour, making it yet another amazing wild animal encounter. Afterwards, we discussed how that moose reminded us of the show Northern Exposure and how Sally loves Fleishman. Awesome.

The people in Maine are much more reserved than what I’m used to. You can’t just go up to strangers in the grocery store and talk to them like you do in the south. But then again, they do sell bottles of liquor in grocery stores. And if you buy a six-pack of beer (which they have many excellent regional varieties), you can mix and match whatever bottles you want. Delightful! Create your own sampler. They also have a licorice flavored soda called Moxie, and Humpty Dumpty potato chips.

Bangor has this look and feel about it that when I visit, I sometimes look around expecting the kids from The Goonies to be riding by on their bicycles. Then there is Stephen King, who lives there and based the fictional town of Derry, Maine from his book It on Bangor. In fact, across the street from Natasha’s house sits the Standpipe. Literally – you look out her bedroom window and the Standpipe is her neighbor. That is where Pennywise the clown did some evil stuff. You can actually walk to Stephen King’s house from where she lives too, and he has iron gates on his property that are shaped like spider webs. Oh yes, spooky.