Yay! Another Weekend Potpourri!

The thing I like best about living in Savannah is there is always something interesting going on. People have been known to decline weekend road trips from fear of missing out on something. If there isn’t a festival, event, or concert to attend, there is no shortage of places to explore and kooky people to talk to.

On Saturday, I did a bit of “volunteer” work at an MS Walk with some friends. What I contributed, the best I can figure, was to volunteer a few sarcastic jokes about my usefulness. Anyway, Victoria and I did have fun creating a marvelous banana sculpture and making fun of the donated cookies that were close to their expiration date.

As a reward for our good citizen behavior, we had a slice of pizza at Vinnie's – the answer to all the yummy yet cheap eats cravings downtown. We also stopped by Leopold’s, an old-timey ice cream parlor for milkshakes. The owner of Leopold’s is also a movie producer, who worked on Mission Impossible III. Which I won’t be seeing, by the way. Does anyone still like Tom Cruise, or has he turned absolutely everyone off?

SCAD also had the Sidewalk Arts Festival at Forsyth Park. The students and alumni create works of art in chalk on the sidewalk, and many of them were surprisingly gorgeous. They start work at 11 am, and I believe the chalk art gets washed away after the festival ends at 5 pm. The brief amount enjoyment time is because graffiti in the historic district is banned. Oh well, it’s pretty while it lasted. Next weekend is the doggie carnival, and Forsyth Park will transform itself again for the day.

I wish I could report that I had the nerve to go see the band Captured By Robots. The name is intriguing, and a description in the local paper called it a punk band with one guy who built a bunch of hydraulic robots to round out the band. He programs the robots ahead of time to play drums, horns, etc. Until I went to their web site, I was expecting it to be a Mystery Science Theater 3000 style band. But then the chains, the disemboweled t-shirt, and the heavy metal vibe scared me. Looks like someone went a little nutty in at Spencer’s Gifts. I’m too pure hearted for that.

Has anyone seen the Fatboy Slim video with Christopher Walken? It starts with him sitting quietly in a chair, it’s not obvious yet where things are going, and then he does this twitch. That’s when I start hoping please dance, please. Then, YES! He busts out with joy, pure and simple. I love seeing a video for the first time, because of the surprise factor. Videos can be so free form, they have permission to go to nonsensical, wild, and magical places.

I’m having a bit of a lie-in today – I’ve got my junk food and my British movies. Every now and then I need a day to myself where I don’t go anywhere or have to rush off and be somewhere at a certain time, and I’m overdue. How do I know it’s time for a full day off? Usually it’s when I’ve been in a bad, humorless mood for a while, or do a bunch of clumsy dumb stuff. Like cutting my face on a washcloth, leaving a bona-fide pirate gash on my cheek. Yeah, I can’t figure that one out either.

Blogostasis

The blogostasis* has infused me lately, so I’m afraid the only morsel on offer is the weekend report. My parents were visiting from Florida, which means sofa city for me. I don’t mind giving up my bedroom to the people who gave me everything, but it is usually tempered with a grouchy and headachy Ramona.

On Friday night, we met up with Victoria and her parents for the outdoor movie at Forsyth Park. SCAD presented three films over the weekend, with a huge screen and speakers set up in the park. Moviegoers brought their food, booze, lawn chairs, and dogs– ideal ingredients for a spring evening, as far as I’m concerned. The film we saw was North By Northwest, which was funnier and naughtier than I had expected. Definitely the favorite event of the weekend, by all reports.

On Saturday, I took my captives to the Crystal Beer Parlor. The atmosphere was typical old-timey Southern dive, but the food wasn’t anything remarkable, just adequate and greasy. Then we went to the new museum, the Jepson Center for the Arts. Now, I’m not much of a museum girl, except for natural history, science, and big-time spectacular museums. Luckily I had free passes, because I thought the Jepson Center wasn’t really worth a $9 dollar admission. Maybe it’s because I was just at the Smithsonian in January, but I feel like everyone has a right to some art and culture, free of charge. Plus, the security guards were mildly intrusive, like they haven’t figured out the boundaries of their gig yet.

That night, we had dinner at the Soho South Cafe, a former garage that has been converted into an artsy, funky restaurant. The first time I ate there, I noticed a signed photo of Gwyneth Paltrow (during her Ben Affleck era). Not only is it Gwyneth approved, but they also have great atmosphere and decent food. My dad and I were delighted with the insanely tasty Corsendonk beer. Is it just me, or does beer taste especially good when you drink with your parents?

The other bit of weekend business is that I ordered a new laptop, funded partially with my Hollis and Rae earnings. I’m glad to have something tangible from that experience, since that whole dating one of the other extras deal didn’t take off.

Today I’m off work, recovering from hostess and tour guide duty. I really should sneak off to the movies to take advantage of playing hooky. Hmmm ...that and some taped episodes of Ricky Gervais in Extras that my dad taped for me. Perfect.




Blogostasis: when ideas slow down; also, when a blogger is writing at the same quantity but looks at a piece considered for posting and just thinks, “Eh...doesn’t seem worth it”.

Tranzlata

Today’s post has been translated courtesy of Ali G. I can’t wait to hear if anyone uses this brilliant tool for office emails, love letters, thank you notes, business correspondence, etc.

it sucks whun da fit geeza yous dig lets yous down. dis geeza stood me up two days ago and still ain’t called. i spent da night waitin at westside watchin tv. i ave to just be boys coz evun though we chill togetha our abits don’t match.

Dinosaurs: 1854 Style

The next time I’m in London, visiting the dinosaurs at the Crystal Palace Park now tops the list. I’ll be taking K. Cameron, of course. Until Waterhouse Hawkins created the life-size models in 1854, no one knew what dinosaurs looked like. I love that name Waterhouse Hawkins – it just screams kindly eccentric gentleman scholar. He even hosted a dinner party inside one of his dinosaurs back in the day. Sadly, the Crystal Palace built by Queen Victoria and Prince Albert burned down in 1936. There is talk of rebuilding the Crystal Palace, and the dinosaurs were restored in 2003. In the meantime, I’ll have to be satisfied with investigating the Crystal Beer Parlor, which is much closer to home. The name alone has aroused my curiosity since I moved to Savannah, but it’s likely K. Cameron will be the only dino there.

What have they done with the videos?

I hate it when things I count on get all funked up and wonky, in some corporate attempt at “improvement”. Wankers! We all know the only boost they care for is their wallet. The latest criminal activity is the new VH1 Top 20 Video Countdown format. It used to be organic and spontaneous and wonderfully weird. Rachel Perry pretending (?) to make out with Tommy Lee in a dodgy bar, or going berserk at the fair, and there were real people in the background. She is the punky goddess of fun, and who wouldn’t want to hang out with her? I liked Ahmer Haleem too, if slightly less. He is the perfect kind of self-deprecating, dorky cool that puts me at ease. Now they have this depressed looking bloke who only speaks Casey Kasem. I think the android’s name is Pinfold or something, and he has no charisma, no humor, no goofiness. He just sits in a sterile, generic studio that looks like the remnants of the set from Tron.

With the new format they don’t even play the entire video. It is mere blips blended around their scheme to get kids on the Internet and be bombarded with more adverts. I need the whole video – I have my favorite bits and I know when to expect them. The Top 20 Countdown was my best chance to see music videos. Between that and EW I try to do my pop culture homework, do what I can to keep up. Plus, some videos from the past few years are sooooo good I sometimes get up and dance around my living room. Don’t be embarrassed for me, this is just who I am.

I liked my Saturday morning routine – drink a pot of tea, watch videos, putter around the house. I miss the field trip vibe and getting to add quirky culture tips to my NYC list. In the previous form, the VH1 Video Countdown was inadequate in totally quenching my video thirst, but at least it was a reliable way to get a fix of insane outfits and dancy pants moves. Why can’t they play more videos, and bring some older ones into rotation instead of retiring anything beyond the 6 months shelf life? Play that Mr. Brightside video every now and then – those guys are hot.

I realize I’m not the first to bring this to your attention. The new format is yet another strike against music videos and their delicious, unpredictable, mixed bag selves. Yeah, I know, why play videos where people watch for a few minutes and then tune out. Having a block of programming invests people in watching to the end. Maybe playing videos all day doesn’t keep the booties in chairs, watching the adverts. Especially the booties that are shaking it, trying to show off for their pets.

While I’m at it, I also want Softsoap to bring back the vanilla brown sugar body wash. I like smelling of sugar cookies and butter cream. Food is way better than flowers when it comes to beauty products, and within food the hierarchy is baked goods over fruit.

Marshmallow Fluff

Fridays make people antsy –the weekend is so close but it needs to hurry up and get here already. Add spring fever to the mix and getting through the day can be insufferable. Consider these your sugary treat substitutes once you’ve chowed down on all the peanut butter eggs.

Job angst is normal for most people, at some time or another. If this doesn’t apply to you skip this one and quit yer gloatin’. It could be worse, and this site has the evidence.

Anyone who has ever dreamt of living in a mysterious mansion should check this out. Perfect for masterminding those secret passageways you’ve fancied since you first played Clue.

For those of you aiming to impress a member of the opposite sex, consider practicing up on your British phrases. Okay, so it hasn’t exactly worked for me, but surely it’s only a matter of time.

I love a good quiz, and Friday's Feast has the benefit of a food theme.

Ham

When I was 20 years old, my family had a big Easter meal at my grandmother’s house in Montgomery. Dressed up in our new Easter outfits, we all sat down to a traditional ham dinner. With Lady Buttercup at my side watching carefully, Natasha and I (not being vegetarians at that point) proceeded to enjoy a home cooked meal the way college students and weary travelers are famous for.

Quite unexpectedly, something suddenly hits my forehead. I didn’t even see it happen; I just feel the smack and do a double take. My Uncle Rico, who is sitting directly across the table from me, is laughing. He has a look on his face that I now recognize as the same as the current president* gets when he has pleased himself with his own joke. Uncle Rico had decided to share some ham so he just went ahead and threw it clear across the table. During a nice Easter dinner. At first I thought he was throwing ham just to be throwing ham. It wasn’t until later, after a discussion with Mumsly, that I even found out the ham was intended for Lady Buttercup.




*I’ve adopted the Sarah Vowell method of coping.

The Malls Where I've Shopped

For a couple of years, Oglethorpe Mall in Savannah had a store called “Sparkles”. It was a gold tooth store. No kidding – all they sold was gold teeth. Plus, they were next door to a store called “Man Style”. Every time I would walk by Sparkles, the same question would pop into my head. Do you just buy your gold teeth at Sparkles, and take them to the dentist for fitting? Or, do they fix you up right there in the store? Also, I wonder if people try them on first, like other jewelry, to see how it looks (ew!)

I can’t discuss shopping malls without bringing up Lord Haggis’s favorite thing to say about Tuscaloosa. Well, maybe one of the Top 5 at least. Inside the shopping mall in Tuscaloosa, there was a laundromat.

Not Knowing

Not knowing can be excruciating. The critical bit of information that you are waiting on so you can take action, one way or another, is always something you have no control over. Whether it is a loved one’s health crisis, waiting to find out if someone is going to disappoint you, news on someone’s dream job, or wondering where you’ll be living in a few months – any of these alone are difficult. But to have them all swirling in your skull, at the same time, is horrid. We usually have that someone to talk with, who has the sensible and soothing advice. Sometimes, that person most counted on is going through something and you don’t dare bother them with what, you sort of realize, will end up being fine in the long run. Bad news is tough, but at least once you know what you are up against you can figure out how to deal with it. Often, things that initially seem discouraging or don’t work out the way you wished will switch tracks to something better that was never even imagined.

So, what to do? I have two distractions at the moment. One involves eating with my left hand (I’m right handed), not switching the fork back to my right after using a knife. It’s like practice for a future hopeful move to England, to fit in with their style. The other distraction is to not turn the bathroom light on, so I can practice washing my hands in the dark. Both of these things play into my dread imaginations where I lose my sight or lose my right arm and have to relearn everything. Being prepared for things I hope will never happen makes it easier to avoid dealing with stuff that might. Will my heart explode if I don’t get some resolutions soon? Probably not. But I think I’ll go have a beer and try to slow down the panic. I’ll likely feel sheepish about my melodrama tomorrow!

Fashion

Do you ever look down at what you are wearing, and the best thing you can think is "Well, at least I have clothes on"?

The Ultimate Dinner Party

Most of us have been asked the question, “If you could invite anyone, living or dead, to a dinner party, whom would you choose?” It is fun to think about the ultimate guest list combination, how they would interact with one another, and the conversations to be had with people we admire. Honestly, it would be even nicer just to have all the people we care for share a meal together, since everyone is scattered about these days.

What I wonder is what are we going to eat. No one ever talks about the menu, and I think I know why. Based on a thoroughly scientific assessment, I can say with complete confidence that it is because we have all gotten too picky. Usually, we’re lucky if we can find even one person who sort of shares our eating habits, much less a dinner party’s worth. It is becoming a challenge to eat with other people, so that all are happy and no one sneaks home to nosh out in private afterwards.

Nearly everyone has a special health regimen or food allergy or things they simply find disgusting. Oh, I’m aware that I’m part of the problem – a seafood-eating vegetarian who avoids fast food. I’ll eat the hell out of desserts and drink beer, but wine gives me migraines. The texture of sushi is more than I can deal with, but I’ve tried, really tried to get along with it.

Here’s what I do know. Among my dinner party guests are the following food issues: A hypoglycemic vegetarian, a carnivore who is allergic to seafood, several people on low carb diets, the anti-salad faction, a lactose-intolerant vegetarian, a few who gave up sweets for Lent, someone else whose medication prevents the consumption of green vegetables, a hamburger-only devotee, multiple mayo-haters, a butter phobe, caffeine avoiders, sneaky dessert deniers, and many who have specific, varied veggie issues. This doesn’t even cover the neurotic food habits, which I should save for a whole separate post. Just one example, though: washing bananas before peeling them.

How did this happen? Food is something that brings people together, but there is less to bond over as we all get choosier. I realize it is for health reasons, and I want what is best for everyone. But each home cooked meal can be as tremendously difficult to negotiate as a buying a used car. I have a hard time cooking for people now, and I actually love to cook.

I don’t know anyone with a nut allergy, but the thought of serving peanut butter sandwiches isn’t quite right for the occasion. Take-out might work, but it lacks the personal gesture. Since this is a dream dinner party, lets imagine I have the skill to cook a favorite dish for each of you. Y’all are definitely worth it!

the libraries - they are good

This is National Library Week, in case you know anyone who cares about that sort of thing. And really, we all should care. Hopefully at some point in your life, a library has affected you in some meaningful, wonderful way. Or perhaps these famous people, who appreciate libraries, express an outlook you can relate to.

Growing up, I was lucky to belong to a family of readers. Frequent trips to the library were the norm; it was there I showed the first symptoms of book greediness and hoarding tendencies. The public library in Panama City had an indoor fishpond and window views of the downtown harbor. The kid’s section had a small box with a light bulb to switch on, illuminating a 3-D scene from different children’s books. It was called a diorama, but nobody ever knows what I’m talking about. My sister and I would take turns peering through the peephole, feeling completely enchanted.

In honor of National Library Week, this is a small sample of books that I fancied as a child, that have continued to captivate me. I hope to one day share them with my own kids.

-Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs
-Bread and Jam for Frances
-Anything by Richard Scarry
-The Sweet Pickles series
-Curious George
-Dr. Seuss (especially The Lorax)
-Madeline
-In the Night Kitchen
-The Very Hungry Caterpillar
-Namu: Making Friends with a Killer Whale
-The Berenstain Bears
-Nancy Drew

I Am Sneaky With My Geeky

Recently, my sister Natasha and I were trying to decide which of us was the bigger geek. We certainly have the pedigree for it. Back in the late 70’s, we were the first family that I knew of to have a computer. Two, actually, if you include the one our dad built with parts from Radio Shack and mail order catalogs. There were also the Star Wars t-shirts and the visits to the Space Flight Center and the Air and Space Museum. Plus, uh, some other stuff.

Natasha: “There is no way you were a bigger geek than me. I was the homecoming candidate for the computer club.”

Ramona: “I’m not denying your superior qualities. I’m just saying - I was a big geek, only better at hiding it.”

Natasha: “Fine. I’ll be needing some evidence then. What would make you worthy of becoming Queen of the Geek Prom?”

Ramona: “Well, I always carry a notebook* around with me, in case I think of something and have to write it down. Sometimes I’ll even write something on a to-do list that I’ve already done, just so I can cross if off. There was also the incident in my 9th grade English class, when the teacher was encouraging us to carry notebooks around to become better writers. She called me out as an example to the class saying, ‘I bet Ramona already carries around a journal’”.

Natasha: “Big deal. Lots of people do that.”

Ramona: “Okay. The next year, again in English class, we had a test on March 15th. For days beforehand, I was excited that we’d be taking an English test on the Ides of March. We weren’t even studying Julius Caesar that year. But the opportunity to impress my teacher proved too irresistible, and I COULD NOT stop myself. Instead of writing March 15th as the date, I wrote out ‘The Ides of March’”.

Natasha: “You never told me that before. What else have you been holding out on?”

Ramona: “Alright, this happened the first year I transferred from Catholic school into public school and I hadn’t made any friends yet. During basketball season, the kids who cared about sports and had $2 bucks for a ticket could go watch the game. The kids who didn’t have the cash got consolidated into one classroom and had study hall. I chose study hall over the basketball games so I could read books by myself. This happily happened about twice, and then the teacher wanted to be released from the obligatory baby-sitting and sent us all to the basketball game. The other kids were grateful, but I sulked. Not knowing how to behave at a sports event, and refusing to miss out on the one thing I liked doing at school, I opened my book and resumed reading. At a junior high school basketball game. And ... wait for it ... I was reading Gone With the Wind.”

Natasha: “I had no idea.”
Ramona: “Exactly.”



*The notebook is mostly for random lists such as books I want to read, gift ideas for friends, and groceries. Sometimes I use it to take down notes of what people are doing at parties and bars, and things I’ve overheard strangers say.