Bachelor Number Four

Hearing about other people’s dating and relationship stories fascinates me. The dishy details are either relatable because I recognize my own similar mishaps, or they give me something to hope for. Knowing that other people have setbacks and humiliations makes me feel like part of a community rather than a freakish anomaly. Alternately, after seeing people struggle and think they’ll never meet anyone, only to find happiness - well, that pretty much encourages me to get right back out there and make an ass of myself.

I’ve nearly avoided getting into this topic on the blog. I had put an embargo on the subject of dating, thinking it was better to spare the other person’s feelings. After all, I wouldn’t like it if I stumbled across something written about me, so I didn’t want to do that to anyone I had a date with. But then again, I write under a pseudonym. I’m not in the habit of telling my dates that I even have a blog. Dating foibles are one of my special talents. Most importantly, why am I protecting these guys? They certainly didn’t have my best interests in mind. It almost seems unfair to withhold the funny or crummy stories that could help someone else suffering a bout of dating distress.

So. A review of what fate has sent me in 2006. The first guy I went out with decided to email me after our first (dinner only) date. The fact that I never gave him my email address wasn’t a deterrent - he simply looked me up on my office’s web page. Except he emailed the other Ramona - a message that said, “Hey Ramona, I had a great time with you last night”. Thanks for that. Lovely of you to remember my last name. I don’t know how it feels to be a married 60-something woman and get an email like that, but I have a pretty good guess that it doesn’t reflect well on me.

The next guy I went out with this year talked exclusively about himself and the secret society he was a member of. He told me it was his birthday the next day, so I offered him a birthday hug at the end of our date. He took this as his chance, and started grinding on me in the parking lot outside Macaroni Grill. Immediately I pushed him off and blurted out, “I said you could have a birthday hug, not a birthday hump!”

Not wanting to give up on dating and move straight into the Golden Girls house just yet, I tried again. This time it was with someone I met on the Hollis and Rae set (juicy, I know!)We went out a few times, even though we had nothing in common. I smugly congratulated myself on being open to dating outside my type. And where did that end up? With me sitting on my couch one night, dressed and ready to go, for a date that never showed up. How did I find myself, at age 32, actually getting stood up? By an uneducated, Republican, bald waiter no less. Clearly I was bewitched by the glamour and excitement of filming a tv pilot, because there is no reasonable explanation for this.

After a confidence wrecker like that, I could have given up and taken a dating hiatus. But then something good happened. I’ve met an actual nice guy - he makes me laugh, he brings me flowers and chocolates, he gives me shoulder rubs. After a string of seriously bad dates, having a nice boyfriend is even sweeter. And because the lousy dates were part of the path to something lovely, I know I’ve earned this and will savor it.

So there you have it. We all have setbacks; it’s okay to take some time off. But you have to keep getting out there, say hi to the cute stranger, and don’t give up on yourself. Don’t let things harsh your mellow too long, because it’s up to you to enjoy your life and make something happen.